“I found it humiliating to be overweight, but I also found it humiliating to be worried about being overweight. I wanted to lose the weight but didn’t want to be seen wanting to lose the weight.”
“I didn’t want to enter “50 handfuls of gorp” into my food log, so I would leave the lid on the gorp tub and — if I actually felt hungry, not just bored or worried — I would eat an apple instead.”
“I didn’t want to inject myself with the well-documented toxicity of diet culture — obsessive restriction — but I also didn’t want to abandon myself to out-of-control excess. It seemed like a very small needle to thread.”
Losing weight didn’t mean winning